Mid-college life crisis.

Posted on December 19, 2012

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Because who has a midlife crisis at 18, right?

These past few days got me thinking about shifting to another course, specifically Film.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Journalism. Writing is my first love (now that I realize it). It’s one of those things that “comes naturally”, as people would call it. I’m not being boastful or pretentious here, it’s just that writing is something that I know I can be good at. No, something that I KNOW I am good at. People who have known me usually refer to me as “the writer” or “yung magaling sa English” (the one good in English). I have decided early on in high school that I should go into the field of language and communication because that’s where I’m supposed to be.

But now I’m starting to question my skills. Am I really that good of a writer? Am I fit to be a journalist?  Am I good enough to meet the standards for excellent journalism knowing that I was trained in the country’s “premier state university” that is the  University of the Philippines? Am I REALLY supposed to be here?

So here are my reasons why I should and should not shift out of Journalism and into Film.

Why I should shift:

  1. I’ve been doing a lot of awesome scripts for various productions in high school; I am THE scriptwriter.
  2. Aside from scriptwriting, I’ve also been doing a lot of backstage work then: lights and sounds, props, etc. Not much on directing though.
  3. My very awesome horror movie final. It was my first time to direct my own short film, from my own story, with my own editing. People praised that. Also, our J111 video feature 🙂
  4. I love making up stories. In journalism, it is highly unethical to make up stories. Cold hard facts, baby.
  5. I love photography. I can be quite pretentious when it comes to photography, but I just really really love photography so much. I am forever in love with cameras.
  6. When it comes to prods or video productions, I always volunteer to be the cameraperson and/or editor. It could also be because I hate being filmed/photographed idk.
  7. I know being in Film will be totally stressful, but the kind of end product that Film students produce is pretty darn special, especially for them as individuals. They get to travel and make art, for f*ck’s sake.
  8. Thanks to Thought Catalog, I am starting to doubt my abilities as a writer 😦
  9. J 110. That damn subject is a self-esteem killer. I didn’t know if I’m good enough to be a journalist after this particular assignment. It’s not even an assignment, it was a matter of choosing a final paper topic and “not following simple instructions” regarding contacting the professor 😦
  10. Econ 100.1 (J 116 too) is scary huhuhuhu numbers
  11. I’m getting sick of politics.
  12. I’m a movie junkie. I watch a lot of classics.
  13. I. LIKE. BACKSTAGE. WORK. FOR. FILM. AND. TV. That kind of work just seduces me okaaay

Why I should not shift:

  1. I’m good at stalking. Just give me something that sounds close to a person’s name (Ben something) and a few details and voila! I can give you the link to his Facebook profile in minutes.
  2. I’m good at remembering and obtaining minor details. I know you wore that jacket the last time I saw you.
  3. I know how to find something that stands out in a particular event/situation.
  4. I’m know a quotable quote when I hear/see one.
  5. I’m always curious about other people’s stories.
  6. I’m always curious about what else people do. We Filipinos have a term for that: chismosa. See also: usisera.
  7. People tell me I’m witty.
  8. I can write an article in two hours and still get a 1.0. J 111 memories :))
  9. Two words: Grammar Nazi. There’s a special place in my hell for people who say “stuffs”.
  10. I’m always skeptical. You better have a legit source, buddy.
  11. I will graduate on time if I don’t shift out of Journ 🙂
  12. I want to go into publication design someday. Or copy editing. Or photojournalism. Or in the photo department of some magazine idk
  13. I love it when people get the latest shit from me. 🙂
  14. I beat a hundred other applicants in the application exam for journalism, idk about you but that’s something pretty special for me.
  15. I REALLY WANT TO WORK IN A MAGAZINE.
  16. I probably just wanted to shift out because I was stressed in one particular class. So the professor’s strictness can be questionable and unreasonable. She is to be feared more than, I don’t know, Slenderman or Chtluhuhuhu (idk the spelling sorry). Is that a good enough reason to shift out of Journ? Sure, she can be a total self-esteem crusher (for me), but I like the subject and I won’t give up on my course, no matter how many *demented* professors I go through 🙂
  17. In need of a seventeenth reason because I still don’t want to give up on journalism. Haha.

This is my theory. Writers, journalists in particular, are flexible. We try our hardest to know what it is like to be in other people’s shoes. We want to be as accurate as possible when we tell stories about them. In the process, we could fall in love with what they do, resulting in an identity crisis. Writers tell stories about people and the many things they do. We become them. I become many things, and in the process, I discovered my skill that has been there all along.

Will I shift out? I still don’t know. What I know is that I still don’t want to give up on Journ. And that I want to graduate on time.

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