I want to be a great everything.

Posted on March 3, 2013

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IMG_2542I was the kind of little girl who easily got bored with one hobby. I went from piano lessons to violin lessons to short story writing to drawing to swimming to ballet to taekwondo to photography.

As a little girl, I just knew when to give up. I’d give up on something if I knew that that something just isn’t for me. I’d throw my shoes away if I decided that tying my shoelaces were an impossible feat that my classmates were better at doing.

Now that I’m a young adult, I realized how terrible that was. I am hoping that these old attitudes died with time.

Okay, I am aware that most of us have probably experienced identity crisis early on in life. As kids, we were supposed to embark on the journey of self-discovery. We wanted to be princesses and astronauts. We wanted to be skydivers, dinosaur trainers, and sword swallowers. We were in the process of finding our place in this world. More often than not, we carry this kind of identity crisis for a longer time than expected.

I didn’t want to just be good at something. I want to be GREAT. I want to be the prodigy, the diamond in the rough. I strive for brilliance. If I think that something “just isn’t for me”, I’d scrap it.

I guess I’m just easily discouraged. I’m easily intimidated. Pair that with my incessant need to be different and we’ve got the ingredients for a problem child. Haha.

I want to be a great writer but I’m not deep and logical enough. I want to be a great journalist but I think I’d be a terrible interviewer. I also think I’m not that great as an editor. I want to be a great photographer but I can’t compete with the other greater photographers out there. I also don’t think that my Photoshop skills are class. I want to be a great advertiser but I don’t have the skills. I want to be a great blogger but I’m not popular enough. I want to be a great filmmaker but I think my videos are crap. I want to be a great photojournalist but I don’t think I can brave street protests. Or Antarctica.

I was the kind of little girl who knew what she wouldn’t be good at. Until now I don’t know what I’m good at, and I’m tired. I want to be good at something. No, not just good. I want to be FANTASTIC.

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