Holden Caulfield is probably the soulmate I never had

Posted on August 4, 2013

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imagesThis is not some hipster shit, I promise. Just the thoughts of a sad, screwed up girl about a sad, screwed up fictional character.

If Holden became a person I’d be first in line to be his best friend. Not girlfriend, we’d be too screwed up for a relationship with each other. Best friend. We’d have tea in the psych ward together.

What I found so relatable with Holden is his hatred for hypocrisy or “phoniness”. Yes, this attitude can be immature at times because we all need to grow up and “phoniness” needs to be done to get ahead in life. But that’s exactly what it is – phony. We use polite words to people who honestly don’t deserve it. We please people in power when we’d rather boil their guts in acid. We live in a society where you just have to plaster that smile to get on with life. We strive to be accepted. Because we have to.

Holden’s academic aptitude is somehow relatable for me, as well. I honestly think that I could do better than this. What’s worse is that I’m not seeing the point of doing better anymore.

The utter dislike for fakeness made Holden such a lonely person, much like myself. I’m lonely because I have low bullshit tolerance. I am lonely because I hate everything fake. I am lonely because I can’t stand faking relationships with people.

Yeah, sure, you know a lot of people. You might have considered them friends at some point. Are you sure about that? How many of them would not talk behind your back? How many of them would show genuine concern when you contact them a 3 in the morning while contemplating suicide?

Okay. Not suicide, just….getting into a mental health service facility or something.

I hate being fake. I hate having to be fake when there’s really no other choice. I hate that even the people I never thought would be fake turned out to be the fakest ones. I hate the fakeness in cliques. I hate the fakeness in organizations. I hate that I have to hate so many things so much.

I hate that I have to be so sad and confused all the time because of my hatred for fake. Hypocrisy. Phoniness. If Holden was alive and around my age, I wish we could be loners together.

Holden Caulfield – the outcast. The idealist. The passive anti-hero. Probably everything I could relate to, minus the sex maniac thing. The Catcher In The Rye is one of the books that truly spoke to generations of teenagers, including me. Especially me. I root for the anti-hero that is in some way a reflection of me. I run with the outcasts. The realists. The loners. The people who see society for what it is. Fuck the bent-ass shit of adulthood.

In the end we all have to grow up. We leave our childhood and all that comes with it, including the problems that no one would care about. That’s just what we all want – someone who would care enough to listen. Holden’s not such a bad kid, he just needs someone who understands. Someone who would listen.

Don’t be surprised if I wind up in the mental hospital any time now. I’d be playing checkers with Holden Caulfield there while we exchange life stories and thoughts on The Voice.

“Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first one who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior.” 

– J.D. Salinger

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