So…did I ever mean anything to you?

Posted on March 3, 2015

2


Fall in the Philippines lol

A post shared by Andrea Rivera (@andreyeaah) on

 

I’m not very good at poetry

You’re probably better at it

So here’s a crappy free verse of sorts

I crafted at 3 AM

During my graveyard shift.

The shift I find appropriate

For someone as dead as me.

Oh am I getting too dark?

I’m sorry.

That’s the thing with me.

I’m not exactly a light, perky person.

At least,

Not all the time.

And it hurts because I know that

After everything you’ve been through

The happy kind of girl

Is what you need.

And I’m sorry

Because I am still learning

How to be really

Truly

Happy.

But are you going to accept that about me?

It’s okay if you can’t.

It’s okay to think I’m too much.

It’s okay to move on.

But you know what?

It will never be okay for me.

It’s not okay that I found a kindred spirit (?)

That I can’t even talk to.

It’s not okay that I felt as though for once in my life,

I am one of those girls boys bother to get to know.

It’s not okay that for once in my life,

I actually thought I had something special to offer.

So did I ever mean anything to you?

All those conversations

Were they meant to just pass the time?

Am I easy to give up on?

Am I just not worth it?

Did I change too much?

Am I too screwed up?

Or was I just a placeholder

For someone else?

I think about every flame you went through,

Maybe I’m not as special as them.

And I hate myself for believing

Even for a second

That I was as special as them.

It’s okay for us to be friends,

I want us to be friends,

Because I honestly don’t want everything to go to waste.

Maybe if I saw you

I’d act the whole long-time-no-see thing

Like nothing ever happened.

I wish nothing ever happened.

But it’s all done.

I let you in

And that really sucks.

Because I never forget anyone I let in.

And I hate myself for not being able to face you

Because my eternal poker face might let something slip.

I hated admitting that I kind of miss you

Because I know you don’t.

Wanna know a secret?

I can’t count the times my pillow had to bear

A head overthinking every single thing that you said.

I try my hardest not to bother anymore

Because there are things more important

Than the feelings of a 21-year-old loser

That annoy even the closest of her friends.

I know you meant something to me

Took me a while to admit it

So

After all that’s ever happened

After all the guesses and the riddles

 

Did I ever

 

Mean anything

 

To you?

 

 

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Posted in: Photos, Witticisms