Hi, I’m not that girl

Posted on August 2, 2015

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Hi.

I see you wanna get to know me,

I guess.

So here’s another one of my crappy poems/whatever this is

That will tell you that kind of girl that I’m not

And the kind of girl that I am.

Let me introduce myself from my words exactly

Because I don’t think anybody really knows me

Or sees me for what I truly am.

First, I am always reluctant to start things,

As you can clearly see with this crappy poem.

Not because I’m coward,

But because I always think of the hurtful consequences.

Or maybe I really am just a coward.

I don’t know.

Anyway, let me start with my appearance.

If you see a girl with weird frizzy-curly hair, 5’2-3”, probably wearing combat boots and a semi-scowl,

That’s probably me.

If she smells like cheap perfume bought from a budget Japanese store,

Your chances of finding me got higher.

If she always has a book with her,

Bingo.

She’s not the type of girl that looks like, what do they call it,

Chicks.

Because she’s figured out that if she doesn’t look like them hot ones,

Nobody will bother her.

Prevents catcalls, at least sometimes.

That, and it’s a subtle way of rebelling and expressing her “alternative” personality.

God, she tries so hard to be cool.

But sometimes, she dresses like a 1960’s British schoolgirl or summat

Mostly out of her fascination with English and European culture.

She has such a soft spot for dresses and combat boots.

It’s also out of this fascination with the English that she acquired a taste for dry humor and sarcasm

With a touch of self-deprecation to top it all off.

Guess it’s because she’s tired of the fakeness of the world.

Mainstream media, the uber-corporate world, and every other setting which requires superficiality and kissing asses to get ahead…

She couldn’t stand it.

Maybe that’s why she’s tired of the world and wants to run away.

But sometimes she feels like she won’t grow up with an attitude like that.

She’s a cynic, you see, skepticism comes naturally with her

And she’s losing chunks of her idealism

As she grows older.

Sometimes she confuses that with growing up.

But the thing is, she doesn’t think she ever will

Because she’s still hoping that the world is still worth believing in.

People say she’s deep

Because “still waters run deep”.

But she’s really just trying hard to be witty

To assure herself that she’s good at something.

I mean, aside from being, say, overly investigative.

“Nosy stalker” is such a strong phrase.

She gets attached easily, you see, but she tries hard not to show it.

This is probably why her brain is full of songs that she plays over and over again

Because she thinks they are some of the truest things she’s ever come across.

The song lyric “put me on a pedestal and I’ll only disappoint you” pretty much says it all.

Speaking of disappointments, I guess I have to wrap this up

Because I think I’m already boring you.

I’m secretly terrified of disappointing people I like.

So if you see a girl who looks perky and cute and nice,

Or a girl who looks like she belongs to a commercial for hair products or facial wash or a Stepford family,

That’s not me.

If you see a girl radiating with positive energy and life,

Nope, that’s definitely not me.

Leave your expectations of a conventionally beautiful Disney Princess type if you envision me

Because that will never be me.

Instead, look at that weird, surly chick everybody ignores.

Yeah, the quiet one who looks like she’s either sad or just really grumpy.

Chances are she’s a sad, bored, lonely girl who prefers the company of animals and kids to adults.

She’s nice, she tries to be.

I am that girl.

And I’m trying to accept it.

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