All apologies

Posted on November 20, 2015


Dear everyone who cares about me,

First of all, thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciate you guys thinking about me and stuff.

I’m sorry for letting you all worry about me. I’m fine, I really am. You don’t have to worry too much. I’m trying to get better.

Sorry if I become distant. Sorry if I find it hard to talk to you about what’s bothering me because I’m really trying to push it away from myself. Guess all of this avoidance is a form of self-sabotage. Anyway, I’m sorry for not reaching out that much. My depression is getting harder to fake.

I’m sorry if my depression is probably draining you. If it helps, I’ll be positive. I really will. Tell me about the fun things that happened to you. Tell me about your day. I’ll be incredibly supportive and happy because I don’t want my depression to bother anyone else, especially the ones I care about. I may have a disdain for cheerful stuff but that doesn’t mean I will be a bad friend. I’ll be there for you, cheering.

I’m sorry if I lash out sometimes. I guess it’s a way of acting out. It’s not your fault.

I’m sorry if my mind wanders a lot and I become a bad listener.

I’m sorry if I get bad at conversations.

I’m sorry if I always revert to negativity. I’m really trying.

I’m sorry if I cancel plans the last minute, sometimes it’s really hard to get out of bed.

I’m sorry for not replying to messages.

I’m sorry if I always seem to be escaping.

I’m sorry if you think I’m snobbish. I’m not. I don’t find your conversations trivial, I’m just distracted.

I’m sorry I cry a lot.

I’m sorry I’m a bad friend.

I’m sorry for being inconsiderate.

I’m sorry I feel things too much.

I’m sorry I’m unable to initiate anything.

I’m sorry I’m not normal.

I’m sorry for being insecure.

I’m sorry for always feeling bad about myself.

I’m sorry for being self-centered.

I’m sorry for my depression.

I’m sorry for being me.

I love you, and I’m sorry.