Things I learned from therapy sessions

Posted on April 5, 2017

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  1. Judging by the length of the queue outside the clinic, a lot of people actually do seek help.
  2. Therapists are literally paid to listen to your problems. Unless you don’t have to pay him/her because your father is a doctor. It’s more of a free consultation really, but it’s nice to find a therapist who will actually help you even if he/she doesn’t have to get paid for it.
  3. People have their own fucked up problems but you can’t see it on the surface. I have fellow patients who are students, mothers, caregivers, and family men. We seem so ordinary that you could mistake us for queuing outside a bank.
  4. A lot of people are depressed. Literally everyone in line I came in contact with is depressed.
  5. No matter how vocal I may become, I am still embarrassed to admit that I’m struggling. Someone in line asked me if I’m also depressed and I had to answer with an embarrassed smile on my face. My father’s secretary saw me in line and I felt a creeping sense of shame over her judging me and my father for it.
  6. Not that I’m invalidating people’s problems, but some people really do have more unfortunate events in their lives than you do. One smiling woman actually has postpartum depression. Another got so depressed it made her break out. One woman, a caregiver from Japan, was disowned by her family, obtained multiple injections, considered checking in a mental hospital, and still seems like a vivacious woman who likes classical music. People are strange.
  7. Triggers are serious. One girl had a breakdown after she saw someone who looks like her father who died three years ago. I can truly relate, as I still stop everything and cry when I see something relating to my failures or certain romance-related services. Don’t ask.
  8. Japan seems like such a nice place. Man, I really want to visit it.
  9. It’s natural for humans to come together when they’re sharing a dilemma, in this case waiting for the doctor. And having mental problems. While waiting for my therapist, the people in line just came together that you could mistake it for a support group. Everyone was sharing their stories (except some others and me, being once again introverted and kind of absorbed in Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina). It may be trivial, but it’s such a nice display of humanity.
  10. People of all social classes CAN have depression and other mental health issues. One guy was a med student and graduated from a local top-tier university famous for their basketball team and being expensive. And he sits in line with caregivers and unemployed introverts. Everyone can have depression and socioeconomic status will ALWAYS play a role in mental health. But that’s a topic for another day.
  11. A lot of us are young. Makes you wonder why the young people are just so sad.
  12. I still can’t shake off the belief that maybe my problem is not as serious as the others’. I tried to stop taking meds (again) and it resulted in a fucked up headache. I tried taking them every other day but I guess I have to trust the shrink who strongly suggested I keep taking them. Probably got freaked out when she suggested an increase in dosage.
  13. I always tend to talk too much or too little. It’s annoying. Maybe it’s because of this brain that never really stops (over)thinking.
  14. After coming up with these insights, I still don’t know what the fuck am I really supposed to do. The caregiver woman in line with me said she would have been a med student given different circumstances. Why shouldn’t I pursue further studies given that I have a slightly better milieu than she does? I’ve always felt as though being a writer will be such a rewarding thing to do, especially since I scowl at how the world works in general anyway. But then again, I can still help people like this by being a servant of justice, right? At least, it seems like the smart choice. Lead a stable life then go be crazy. I don’t know. My future is at the edge of a cliff.
  15. Meds and therapists can only do so much. In the end you know that the person who can help you the most is yourself. Don’t deny that there is something wrong with you, because chances are there probably is. And there are a lot of people who share those problems with you, no matter what their background is. I guess, in a way, being crazy is a manifestation of another aspect of being human.
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